Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
