Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
