I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
