You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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