I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
