Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
