When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize