dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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