He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
