i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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