Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
