she woke up with a sticky ear
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
