I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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