ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
