like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
