found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
