I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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