Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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