Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize