it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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