And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
