I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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