Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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