i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
