1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
