i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
