1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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