Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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