Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
