I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
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