We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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