marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
