i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
