i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
this just has baby written all over it
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
