My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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