I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
In other news, I just burned my penis
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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