I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize