dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
