Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
