dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
