I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
