So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
