Pants 0. Shit 1.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You dont lie about slip and slides
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
