Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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