The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
