My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
