Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
