He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize