i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Randomize
