Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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