Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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