hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
