just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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