I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
