Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
