Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
