I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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