theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
