First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
