how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
