You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
