I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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