The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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