I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
