My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
