I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
