so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
