i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
