Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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