I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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