Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize