we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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