is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
