I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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