I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
