I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
