so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize