Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize