i was rollin on her like bob the builder
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
