We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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