Me. At least after what I've been through.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
