I murdered the dance floor call the cops
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
