HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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