dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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