oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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