You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
