I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
