Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
