She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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