I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
