if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
