Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
