Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
