I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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